Reflections

Today is one of the days which makes me wonder if this teaching line is for me.

Inadequacy is what I feel. Even though I am trained as a PE and mathematics teacher. As a teacher , I feel that anyone can step into my shoes and take up my position .

They may not be able to do as well as me. But there are always replacements . This job is taking alot out of me. Emotions and passion and strength . I find it draining away everyday .

If you ask me who can I trust in school. I can safely say , I can only trust a few people. Yet I wonder who can't I trust.

But I thank the Lord , that he gave me strength to survive day by day , clearing my mind, and letting me let go of issues. The Lord is my helper. I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?

Even if I must beg for bread, my soul is secured in the Lord.Yet, I am just afraid that I am a burden to my family and to Dianjuan. Letting them worry . Not bringing home enough bread.

Lord I know you will provide for me , as you provide for my family. You will provide another job, as long as I do not give up . As long as I do not fear. As long as place my Hope and trust in you . Even young men feel weary and faint . But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles!!!! How great thou art.

Tiring day.

My blogs have always been about dark days of my life.

There are happy times and silver linings in these dark days too.

Yesterday I was so exhausted . I was feeling so feverish and unable to summon any form of energy within me. Took my medication and fell into deep sleep . Slept for about 10 plus hours , yet I still wake up feeling exhausted and devoid of energy. My head is still ringing about the criticism thrown into my face. The image is still vivid , yet I am doing my very best to get it out of my system . I did the best I could with my current condition , my conscience is clear.

As I mentioned there were silver linings. Dianjuan was there to give me a massage and to tuck me into bed. Parents were supportive and didn't contribute any sort of nagging.

A simple of prayer of thanks to the Lord.